You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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