drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
