I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize