can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
