By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize