I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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