ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
