New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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