wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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