Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize