she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
