I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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