Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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