My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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