Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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