hotel room ftw
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
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