I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
two words...techno handjob
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
