You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
