just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
