I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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