Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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