yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
