just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
