This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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