Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
