I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
