oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
