This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
