I showed him my bush... on skype.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
