Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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