I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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