i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
