I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
