"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
