he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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