i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
