then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
