i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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