Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
