so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
