Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
