i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
