I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
