Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
