I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
