her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
