Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
