just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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