Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
