Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
