would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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