M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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