In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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