Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
