Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
do herpes really smell.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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