i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
