she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
