i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
