My liver just broke up with me...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
