So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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