i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
