Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you traded sex for a burrito?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
