i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
