i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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