This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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